Soldiers' Angel - Holly Aho

My son's kindergarten class created a book called "How to Cook a Turkey". Each student filled out a page that outlines their idea of how you cook a turkey. Here are a few of the good ones:

"I will shoot him in the woods. He will weight 2 pounds. I will cook him at 1 degree for 1 minute. I will stick a toothpick in the oven and if it is red it's ready and it is black it's too hot. If it's plain it's too cold. I will eat the meat in the tummy. It will taste just like meat."

"I will buy it at the grocery store. He will weigh 100 pounds and cost 6 dollars. I will put the oven at 100 degrees and cook him for 98 minutes. I will eat the whole thing!"

"I will shoot my turkey and he will weigh 2,000 pounds. I will bake him at 1,000 degrees for 20 minutes. I will know when he's done when the timer beeps. I will eat the leg and it will taste like a burnt turkey!"

and my son's page:

"I will buy my turkey at Walmart. I think he will weigh 15 pounds and cost 60 dollars. I will cook him for 10 minutes at 88 degrees. I will look at the timer to see when he's done. I will eat his legs and they will taste like meat!"

Those of you with a less than stellar sense of humor can skip to the bottom...

The Project Valour-IT Fundraiser has experienced a thermometer'napping!
(~Done)

*Late at night, as the few members of the Coast Guard team sat in shock watching their donation thermometer barely move while the Army and Navy sailed by, they hatched an ingenius plan...

Typing wildy on their computers, cutting letters from magazines, and hijacking the other teams' fundraiser gauges (while on a strict diet of Hot Pockets and Diet Coke)... they planned their overthrow and coup! No longer will the world be able to ignore their valient efforts,
heroic actions on behalf of the country, and formidable mass of bloggers (ok, well we give on that last one).

With plan in motion and nothing left to do but hit the big red button, they counted down under their breath: three... two... one... *

And here we are! With our LIST OF DEMANDS:

1. Publicly admit the Coast Guard team is a formidable competitor (trackback to this post for proof)
2. Watch The Guardian (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406816/)
3. Have 4 new donations to your team today (use links below), and encourage donations to the Coast Guard team for the rest of the day today.

When our demands have been met (as monitored by the Soldiers' Angels website team), your team's thermometer will be released.

Never underestimate the Coast Guard team! We may only have 3 members (so far...and what's up with that?!), but we can dominate! Want to be on the cool kids' team? Join the Coast Guard team today (we'll even accept team transfers - this IS a coup)! Want to help the Coast Guard team win this competition? Donate today on behalf of our team.

BOTTOM:

DONATE TO THE ARMY TEAM

DONATE TO THE NAVY TEAM

DONATE TO AIR FORCE TEAM

DONATE TO MARINE TEAM

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!

Kids can be more clever and funny than we sometimes give them credit for. My son Thomas is a great example of occasional pure genius in practical jokes.

I often work sitting on the floor of our living room, with laptop in hand. When I take a break, I leave the laptop (and work stuff) on the floor. Despite having 5 kids in the house, including one 2 year old, the laptop has suffered no injury. However, I do use a wireless mouse and sometimes my 2 year old will steal it.

The last time she did this, I asked Thomas to go find my mouse for me. He found it, but instead of returning it to me he went to my husband's desk. My hubby has the same mouse as I do. Thomas grabbed my hubby's mouse and then brought it to me saying he'd found mine.

After he left the room I sat down to work and the mouse was doing all sorts of crazy things! I thought it was broken. As I'm trying to use it I'm saying outloud to myself "What's wrong with this darn mouse!?....What the heck? I didn't click that!...". And as I'm saying this, Thomas comes slowly up the stairs into view holding my real mouse in his hand as he clicks things and moves it over his palm, trying hard not to burst into laughter.

Twas pretty clever and very funny!

A few days ago we took my oldest son and three of his friends to a nice restaurant for dinner. One of his friends ordered a steak (I think for the first time). The waiter asked him, "And how would you like it cooked?"

My son's friend looked shocked a moment and then sputtered out, "Done?"

..Don't bring me no half cooked food! LOL
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Also recently, my oldest son was telling me about his adventures in his online game he likes to play. Apparently, in the game you can set up a shop as a merchant and sell game items to other players, like coins, weapons and armor. He was gleefully recalling his latest store experiences of working up to be a millionaire. He told me how he'd purchased a bunch of items that were nearly worthless, and then set up shop and sold each item for thousands of points (or whatever). He laughed as he said that lots of players were buying these items and he was raking in the profits.

I instantly felt sympathy for the players buying his stuff and said "Awww, these are probably new players who aren't aware of the Items' real value. Poor people!"

He replied, "Well, I named my store 'Gigantic Rip-offs, Buy Here!'"
Sympathy went right out the window as I howled with laughter.
LOL!
***************************

And another...

Last month my kids and I were eating lunch together when Tommy (my 7 year old) said he needed more water to drink and stood up with his cup. Noel (my 13 year old) looked in his cup and chimed in that he also needed a refill and told Tommy to fill his cup too. Tommy looked at him askance and said "Get your own drink."

Well, Noel, being so much older than the rest, often acts like a not so benevolent king with his minions when ordering his younger brothers around. He replied, "Don't be a twerp! What, is it too hard to fill my cup too? Not strong enough to carry it?" Handing his cup to Tommy he ordered "Get my water!"

Tommy's defiant face wiped clean into an obedient and friendly face as he politely took the cup and headed to the faucet. Not realizing something had just gone horribly wrong for him, Noel continued eating and feeling like royalty. Tommy took quite a long time at the sink, and mildly suspicious at this Noel often turned around to check on what he was doing. But Tommy was always at the sink, holding a cup, water running. After more than 30 seconds however, Noel began to throw new insults over his shoulder at Tommy. "What, is it too hard for you to get water?"....."What is taking you so long slave?"...."Can't find your way back to the table?" After each insult he smiled at his ingenuity and wit.

Finally, Tommy returned to the kitchen table with 2 cups of water. Noel checked his cup and then took a big drink as Tommy sat. Noel spit it right back out and shrieked, "HOT water? Are you retarded? Why would you pick hot water?"

Tommy smiled politely and replied, "I don't know what you mean. My water is nice and cold." He smiled and took a sip.

Noel hasn't bossed Tommy around in a while.

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Today my hubby and I were in the kitchen when he did something particularly clumsy. My hubby is more the affectionately ornery sort, so I kept my mouth shut as I looked at him askance, but the expression on my face must have spoke volumes. He looked at me and said, "I can read your mind, and that's not nice! Didn't your mother teach you that if you can't think anything nice, don't think anything at all?"

I replied, "No, but that explains an awful lot about you."

Need some advice? Something that will inspire and encourage you without saying anything really substantiative? You need to ask the Barak Obama Magic 8-Ball!!

Go ahead, ask it a question and then click the 8-ball for your motivating answer that leaves the real thinking to you!

Ask the 8-Ball!

Bwaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaa!

...and we are the actors. Or at least everyone at Barnacle's Resort in Lake Mille Lacs, MN are. I just love creativity and cleverness bundled together to defeat stupid ban laws. Like the smoking ban passed in Minnesota last fall. Even though I no longer smoke, I really resent the government telling people how they can behave on private property. Restaurants are private property, not public. If you don't want people to smoke - outlaw it. Not ban it.

Anyways, these ingenious business owners found a loophole in the law. The law allows actors and actresses to light up in theatrical performances. Therefore, all Saturday night customers at Barnacle's Resort are now official actors, with tags and all.

"You are looking at a stage. You are looking at a playhouse," said Mark Benjamin, a nonsmoking lawyer who worked the bar dressed in Shakespearian garb. "Those are not cigarettes -- those are props."

The 'production' includes programs and is called "Act Now!" LOL! The plot/theme of the production? Well, it's a period play obviously, displaying life as it was before the smoking ban.

BWAHHhaaaaahaaaaaaa!

These things are hilarious!! Just watch a herd of them get startled.
Bwaaahaaaahaaaa!!!